Goodbye 2014! Hello 2015!

2014 was unlike any year I've ever had before. I started dating for the first time, got married, quit my steady well paying job and moved cities .. all for one boy (thankfully it's been worth it :) )! And on Christmas I sang a group song after the longest time thanks to Gobind Sadan. And and and .. I got a doggy - my Maxi boy! It was a year full of drastic changes I could have never imagined in 2013. I think I did live it up to quite an extent.

Having said that, the book I'd promised I'd finish in 2014 remains untouched at the chapter I'd last finished. I am still not exercising regularly (exercised just enough to fit into my gorgeous lehenga at the wedding :D). Eating healthy is a distant dream. I haven't blogged half as much as I'd thought I would. Daily meditation is happening on a weekly, if not monthly basis. Though my cooking skills may just have seen some improvement!

In the coming year, I solemnly swear I shall write at least once a week. I WILL exercise at least 5 times a week. I will find an awesome job in Vadodara that will at least match my previous salary. I WILL stay healthy by exercising my currently not-so-awesome will power when it comes to food that kills my throat or sinuses. I will become awesome in Spanish and pass my CIMA Strategy level. I will find a reason to be utterly happy at any given point. I WILL meditate every single day.

2014 - thank you for being so amazing. A lot has been learnt. A lot of areas have been identified for further learning. 2015 - Can't wait to get started on the new me :)

Happy New Year guys :)

One month!

The wedding bells have worn themselves out, the chaos and commotion has died down, it's finally beginning to sink in that this isn't a temporary arrangement. We're roommates for life from now on.

As I look back on this day one month ago, I am overwhelmed with happy memories. I was a happy bride. Loved being the centre of attention for 4 straight days. Loved getting dolled up after a lifetime of not touching makeup. Loved the fact that I was marrying someone I was so much in love with. Loved that everyone I loved was equally happy too :). Hell, I must have been the only bride who danced out of the venue during her vidai with her equally upbeat brother!

One month later, I'm happier than ever. My new home feels like home. In fact it felt like home right from the start - which was such a relief! I like Vadodara - the quiet quaint city that I've moved to from the hustle-bustle of Delhi. I feel much loved and much at peace. The huge life change that I'd been sweating about for nearly a year has happened gently enough for me to get happily accustomed to it. What it's like for the family I've moved into only they could reveal :P .. but things are peaceful enough at the moment :). 

My husband (the term still seems strange - we've sworn we'll remain boy friend - girl friend for life) is an adorable man who finds the time and energy to cater to my whims even after a crazy day at work. We're learning the art of dancing together in the party called life. It's easy when you share similar interests - we enjoy similar movies (with the exception of the romance genre), we have the same travel style and sleep is a precious commodity for both of us. If we find ourselves tripping mid-dance or stepping over each other's feet accidentally, we find a way to smoothen out that step too. Being more or less in sync is a nice feeling :)

Though I miss home all the time too. My mum, dad, even fighting with my brother, and my darling Labrador Maxi boy. Conflicting emotions that come from having two awesome homes I guess!

The first tiny milestone in the journey of a lifetime seems to have been accomplished. My fears of "feeling stuck" in a marriage seem rather foolish now (Thank God!). Looking forward to many many more happy moments together. Happy one-montheversary to us!

Love: Through the eyes of a die-hard romantic bride-to-be

Sometimes, I want to sue all those romantic film-makers, authors, and all those TV series writers who made us believe that love was solely candyfloss drama. After 29 years of believing in that wholeheartedly, it is extremely hard to accept a loving reality that's so different from Pride and Prejudice and KJo movies. It's different - but it's actually very nice.

As a girl who'd idolised Mr. Darcy all her life, I'd always believed that a blue eyed boy (even though his were brown) with deep brown hair and a lovely British accent will probably just materialise at my doorstep someday. A gorgeous boy did materialise - but without the eye colour, hair colour or the accent. And though my long-since programmed brain kept telling me that the subject of my affection and attraction was oh-so-wrong, my heart told me otherwise.

Thus began my love affair with a man so earthy and devoid of all frills and fancies that one usually associates with love that every few days I had to just sit back and wonder what on earth I was doing in a relationship with him. It was so hard reconciling the love life that I'd dreamt of for myself in that crazy brain of mine with the love life I had willingly chosen and yet did not know what to do about.

After nearly a year of playing tug of war, laying my soul bare, then withdrawing completely, loving with all my heart, and then not wanting to deal with it at all, we're finally getting married. Because what I discovered at the cost of a lot of unnecessary mental stress was that love isn't flowers, it isn't poetry or even a whispered dialogue said at the right time. Love just is. It doesn't always materialise in filmy ways. But as long as it does materialise as genuine warmth, caring and trust - everything else just falls away. Love is. It isn't because of. It just is. Inexplicable, impossible to understand and never to be trifled with.

Also, there's something very liberating about being able to finally let go of a very narrow view point of love and accept it as it comes - completely, whole heartedly, with all its elements. Yes, I think I'm finally ready to take the plunge :)

Boy, O Boy! Exploring masculinity in today's world

A chance discussion with someone set me thinking of what makes a man, well, a man. I would like to believe that the staid and annoying perceptions of what men should and shouldn't do are dying the natural death they deserve. All those theories about how real men never clean after themselves, they can have a beer gut and still be sexy beasts, they don't need to have personal hygiene because that's too effeminate, they NEVER cry because the mere presence of feelings is considered to be women's forte, and of course, in order to prove that they are men, they need to get into a physical altercation at the first chance with someone random are extremely annoying. I still remember those horrible "first-blood" fights that boys in our school used to get into. Alas, the world seems to be evolving too slowly for me. 

Then I thought about my grandfather, who is no more, but whom I still consider the epitome of what men should be like. He was an un-assuming man, 5 feet 5 inches in height and of a slight build. He had his own restaurants and a gorgeous hotel where I spent much of my childhood. He was a busy man, but his sense of responsibility towards his family never dithered. For the two years that I lived with  my grandparents, he was there for me, checking my homework, even if he came back at 1 in the morning from work. If I wanted something (usually a request for a "surprise" in the evening - I'm a sucker for surprises), he would never disappoint. It was like he was completely tuned into me. I hear similar stories from mum from her childhood days. He was extremely disciplined in his lifestyle and you could actually set your clock right when you saw him leave for his daily restaurant round in the morning. He was emotional too - usually blinking back tears that threatened to spill over as we all left Nainital after our summer vacations each year. He was a 'karma yogi' who was forever there for his family and his work. His sense of humour was so subtle and so British that lesser mortals sometimes did not know what had hit them when they were at the receiving end. He used to listen to people patiently, even when they were talking nonsense/ having a screaming fit. Then out used to come a one liner that quietly put that person in place without affecting anyone's sensibilities. That was just the way he rolled! Way ahead of his times even in the 1950s, he inspired many a woman to stand up for what was right and not take any nonsense from their "better halves" and their families in an era where life was absolutely hell for women in this country. His principles were the stuff legends are made out of. Once he gave someone his word, he was ten steps ahead of Salman Khan in keeping it and upholding all his promises. When he came away from Pakistan during partition, he built everything for himself and his family from scratch, even supporting my grandma's family to quite an extent when they too were left with nothing post the partition. It's an understatement of the highest order, but he was a gem of a man.

Now, THAT is what I call a man. Not what passes off for men these days. I don't care if you earn more than x,y,z or that you live in Golf Links. I don't care if your family owns a ranch in Chhatarpur - that's probably what your dad built anyway. I don't care if you can drink more than the next guy or party harder than them during weekends. And I don't care if your annual holiday looks like something out of a Karan Johar movie and that the rock you bought your wife is bigger than her finger.

What I do care about is this:

• A man who can balance his family life with his professional ambitions and social obligations. 
• A man who can be there to read stories to his children at night and tuck them to sleep or play football with them over weekends instead of buying them tabs and letting them amuse themselves.
• A man who can be honest with himself and with people who love him, at all times. 
• A man who can be sensitive to others' needs and empathetic towards people.
• A man who can emote. 
• A man who he can be respectful and loving towards the elderly.
• A man who he cleans after himself! 
• A man who upholds his promises, no matter how small they may be.
• A man who is self-made.
• A man who is loyal to those he loves, leaving no room for lies and deceit.
• A man who stands up for what's right, no matter what the consequences.
• A man who keeps his head when all around him people are losing theirs.
• Most importantly, a man who has a healthy sense of humour, not just about the world in general, but about himself as well.

THAT is what an awesome man looks like. THAT is what an awesome human being looks like actually. It's high time our society stopped judging a man by the size of his biceps (to put it politely). Half of world's problems would be over, if people stopped trying to be "men" and started focusing solely on being good human beings instead.

Keeping promises to yourself ..

In the midst of recovering from the latest viral attack, and plum in the heart of some stomach infection that I attracted from god knows where, I got some time to reflect on my life and do my "first quarter review" of promises I had made to myself earlier this year.

I was appalled to see that I hadn't blogged 10% of the amount that I had set out to do. I had eaten more junk food than I had ever thought possible (going back to 'chaat-papdi' after a year long hiatus was amazing for my taste buds but terrible for my system in general). I had excercised for a pitifully small time - partly because it's difficult working out when you are falling ill ever so often. And my book - I haven't even glanced at where I left off last year.

My mind went back to all those times when I chided x, y, z people to keep their word. When I got really annoyed when people said 1 thing and did something else altogether. And I was hit by the realisation that although I always keep my word to others, I am an absolute disaster when it comes to keeping my own word to myself! What kind of a human being does that? Why is keeping appointments with others so easy when keeping appointments with myself every morning is nearly impossible as things stand right now? Why do I deliver what I say to my bosses but not to myself? Why do I prefer to laze around and pinterest without stopping, instead of getting ahead on my preparation for an upcoming exam?

The answer, I figured out, was my innate tendency to take the easier route in life. So much for living consciously. I crave that sense of discipline I had all through school and college. I crave that sense of sincerity towards my own self that I had all my life. I crave that sense of "life" I had - the strong burning desire to do something extra ordinary. I know it's a temporary phase, I have had these before. But I am finding it more and more difficult to snap out of it this time. My work life at present is not helping matters. And traveling back and forth from office for nearly 3.5 hours everyday to do something that's not challenging anymore may be adding to my woes.

I don't know how blogging about all this will help me either, but it does infuse a sense of responsibility to myself (sometimes). For instance, after my last blog post about waking up every morning, I did go on that route for atleast 3 weeks before I fell sick.

The only area where I seem to have gotten consistent is my daily meditation (touch wood!). Possibly because I don't like what I become when I'm not doing it!

Here's hoping for a brighter future!

Looking at life with a different set of glasses

This year has filled me with a brand new obsession. And it’s getting stronger as the days go by. There is a driving, all-consuming need in me to break away from the world as I have always known it and discover a different way of looking at it. I think I need to move away from stereotypes, from age old perceptions and from the very concept of right and wrong. It’s way too subjective and driven by belief systems that we had no contribution in.

It’s almost as if we’ve forgotten to think for ourselves. Our idea of what is beautiful is defined by the beauty and healthcare industry. Our idea of what is good for us is defined by our family and friends. Our idea of relationships is defined by candy floss romance on television. Our idea of weddings is defined by Karan Johar’s movies. Our idea of success is defined by tales of glorification that sometimes completely skip the struggle that must have gone into reaching the pinnacle described. The following words by Alain De Botton describe it spot on:

“One of the interesting things about success is that we think we know what it means. A lot of the time our ideas about what it would mean to live successfully are not our own. They’re sucked in from other people. And we also suck in messages from everything from the television to advertising to marketing, etcetera. These are hugely powerful forces that define what we want and how we view ourselves. What I want to argue for is not that we should give up on our ideas of success, but that we should make sure that they are our own. We should focus in on our ideas and make sure that we own them, that we’re truly the authors of our own ambitions. Because it’s bad enough not getting what you want, but it’s even worse to have an idea of what it is you want and find out at the end of the journey that it isn’t, in fact, what you wanted all along.”

It’s time to break norms. And not in the traditional sense - with tattoos and piercings and looking fierce – unfortunately even misfits are predictable now. Break norms not to “be different” or “standout” but to align ourselves with the universe and train our thoughts to break out of their age old, boring pattern.

Delhi and people who claim to be men

After a whole year, I stepped into the Delhi Metro yesterday to meet a friend of mine in Gurgaon. Owing to paucity of time, I ended up boarding the "general" compartment since I couldn't make it to the "Ladies only" compartment as the train pulled in. I regretted it instantaneously. Despite all the awareness programmes that have been running in this city after the heinous rape that brought protestors onto the streets in 2012, little has changed in terms of men staring at you like you are something to eat. I agree things are slightly better than they were a decade ago when they didn't stop at starting itself and decided to feel you up too. But again, I may have gotten lucky.

Here's an amazing video created by Whistling Woods International that tries to drive home the point. How can a city/country/region ever progress if men continue to treat women as mere meat?

Praying for change.

To Do or Not to Do

There is only one reason why resolutions break down year after year - the inability of human beings to form new habits. Sometimes, when you dispassionately look at your life, you wonder, why is it that you run away from something that will benefit you in more ways than one? What kind of a stupid person does that? The answer is : The lazy kind. Years of "giving in" to demands of the mind is showing signs now. And pertinent ones at that. The squidginess around the edges, the platinum highlights that I'd rather not have, a poor disposition that leads to viral attacks ever so often.

I had often heard that it takes 21 days to form a habit. I can attest to the fact that it's incorrect because many an excercise regime has been defeated post 25-30 days of rigorous practice. Similar inconsistencies have been experienced when it comes to staying off junk food. A recent article in "Brain Pickings" has beautifully put such false notions to rest. Read it here: http://www.brainpickings.org/index.php/2014/01/02/how-long-it-takes-to-form-a-new-habit/ 

Key takeaway:

"Although the study only covered 84 days, by extrapolating the curves, it turned out that some of the habits could have taken around 254 days to form — the better part of a year!

What this research suggests is that 21 days to form a habit is probably right, as long as all you want to do is drink a glass of water after breakfast. Anything harder is likely to take longer to become a really strong habit, and, in the case of some activities, much longer."

It seems, the harder the undertaking, the longer you need to do it for it to become a habit. 2 days down in this new year, I haven't moved so much as a muscle and waking up early is still an ordeal (though it IS 4 degrees celsius in the mornings .. sigh.. excuses).

So at the fag end of a 3 week break from work, I intend to start getting my life on track. My brain needs to listen to me rather than enslaving me the way it as for all these years. I think having something to look forward to at 6:00 am might just help my case. Since a doughnut would entirely defeat the purpose, I am thinking about early morning blogs instead (post a large cup of tea of course).

Here's to willpower and the interesting times ahead!

2014 Resolutions: Live, Laugh, Love

So I was busy going through my resolutions from 2013 and sizing up the year against the benchmarks that I had set for myself. Though I didn't fail completely in my own eyes at the game of life last year, there's a lot left to be desired. Laziness, physical-mental-spiritual, seems to have been the troublemaker for things not done. Unconscious living seems to be another. When you look back at an entire year and have only 10 odd occurrances that took your breath away, you need to seriously re-examine your life. Of course, all excuses need to be thrown out of the window.

Living consciously is of course the top of the resolutions list this year. This is followed by writing the book I had started 2 years ago, reading more (especially the works of Vivekananda), dancing more (planning to get back to Bharatnatyam), and perfecting myself in the art of living. I think it's high time I stopped letting life's little twists and turns get on my nerves and be ready to face everything with grace and courage. The only thing I fear is fear itself (much like Potter), and I have a burning desire to live each moment like it's my last and not worry about the consequences at all.

Finally, this year is going to be special in more ways than one owing to the most fortuitous turn of events in my life. I intend to enjoy every moment of that blessing and focus on giving rather than harbouring silly expectations.

May you all have a magical 2014 :)