Yeh Hai Mumbai Meri Jaan!

2 months 10 days. That's the amount of time I've lived in Mumbai...this time...really lived ... Summers I spent holed in a room, oblivious of the city that this is. This time I swore I would move around more. I don't know if that was a wise thing to do or not...illusions are shattered, innocence to some extent takes a hit, starry eyed-edness goes for a toss, and you long for the sense of security you got back home/in the hostel. I never thought I'd say it, but I actually felt safer in Delhi. Time to bust some myths:

1) Guys in Mumbai are no better than guys in Delhi. They stare...gape...open-mouthed...at anything that looks like a girl. Yes, they pass comments, put their hands where they shouldn't in crowded trains, and leer around anywhere and everywhere.

Gone are the days when you could move around in Mumbai unscathed by the leering eye...Men will be men.

2) I thought only Delhi Punju jats moved around in gaudy clothes, wearing dark glasses at night, playing music loud enough to make you want to wave your fist angrily at them whenever they pass you...Wrong again...almost everyone in Mumbai loves doing that. Gaudy is in...Sober people definitely don't hang around too much...sigh...

3) Band Stand sucks. Totally. You come away feeling totally disgusted...coz there's no sea to see...just extremely openly mushy couples everywhere...ughh! To think I went all the way! I thought Shah Rukh's house would be the saving grace...but you can barely see it over the gates (Don't blame him...with the hordes of people standing outside...yours truly stayed at quite a distance like the lady she is :D)

4) Okay..this isn't a myth...something we all knew...there are TOO MANY people in Mumbai...It drives me nuts...Went for shopping to Bandra yesterday...and at the end of the day...simply the sight of people standing together drove me NUTS...

When my parents tell me "Don't go here...don't go there...coz it's a lonely stretch"...I laugh it off...Tell me ONE place in Mumbai where there aren't so many people, and I will bless you from the bottom of my heart!Hell...Gateway of India is crowded at 7 in the morning!!

5) Hang around in Colaba around 10 at night...and you see the strangest mix of people. I swear I've never seen such a thing in my life....

Prostitutes...small children...cross-dressers...old couples...all walk around, frequently crossing each other. The famous Leopold's overflows...beer...people...call girls...all in abundance...

I've ended up sounding too pissed off...but then...I am! You end up feeling disgusted at the end of each day. There's only so much you can take of people running like the world would come to a stop if they didn't, hordes attacking train entrances...almost creating a stampede every time a train stops at the station...Empty or not...people have to push-pull, kill others....it's crazy (and this is despite the fact that I travel opposite to the traffic flow!)

As if the mauling weren't enough, you are constantly clutching your bag because of all the horror stories you've heard. Get home, hop out to grab a cup of coffee...and you are introduced to a world of prostitutes, drunkards, conmen (yeah...got Rs. 500 from me coz I believed his sob story...found the jackass a few days later looking for a new victim and screamed at him!).

There's so much poverty...it kills you. You see an over-the-top gorgeous corporate house one moment, and abject poverty the next. The taller the building, the worse the condition of the slum that follows.

You help one guy and end up getting cheated...you don't know who to trust...and new office life on top of that...where everyone smiles a lot...but their eyes say something else most of the time...and for some reason they think you don't know what's actually going on in their minds!

Ok...enough of bad things...good things happen too.

Marine Drive for one is amazing (if you go at a time when the cars aren't honking your ears off and people aren't bumping into you everywhere).

The same women who almost kill me while getting into the train, shift over and invite me to sit down despite getting squished in the process.

Some well-meaning men exist too...like the one who told me to move out of the empty compartment that he was leaving and shift to well..a more crowded one...when he got off.

The auto-wallah who took me all over Bandra...and showed me all the shopping places taking the shortest routes possible when he realized I was new to the town.

Some days (very few of them)...I could swear I'm at home in this city...but the illusion is shattered soon enough...and you feel desperate to move out of the self-centred existence that you are leading and just doing something for someone....whether it is the giggling girl wearing bright pink revealing clothes who goes to Leopold's every night to earn a living, or the one with dark circles I found crying in a corner on Sunday morning, or the 10 year old who tries to sell me cheap raakhis on the train...or the old lady who can barely walk, but tries to sell me home made mawa cakes...

One minute I want to run away...the very next moment...I want to take these people away from their current existence to someplace safe.

Never in my life have I felt so lost and helpless. There are too many questions...too few answers...

Behind each glittering light lies a world of deceit, behind each colgate smile...lies god knows how much lies...

Brings to mind the song from CID...

"Aye Dil Hai Mushkil Jeena YahanZara Hat Ke Zara Bach Ke, Yeh Hai Bambai Meri Jaan"

Blast from the Past

Ever hung around enough with your grandparents and heard the stories about the good old days…when community scored over individuals, people did everything slower, reveled in each moment…and definitely were happier back then than in this high speed, rushed up existence that we lead today?

Well…. I had the …ummm…misfortune (tried really hard to say ‘privelege’ I swear!)…of experiencing what the world must be like 40 years ago…and I can tell you…I almost killed someone.

What brought this on you ask? It was my forced trip to 2 post offices with my grandmother’s Post Office Savings Account Passbooks.

I like things to happen fast…I want my food fast…I want people to come to the point fast…I prefer T-20s to test cricket and Football to cricket for the same reasons…Hearing someone beat around the bush and standing in lines…these two things bring the Devil out in me (In IIFT I would agree to do the entire project sometimes…if only my partner would take the print outs in the end from the perennially overcrowded printer!)…Anyways where was I…Oh yes…The Post Office…

Trip 1: Area Post-Office for an Updation of the passbook:

The room was puny…Even one person alone in there would feel claustrophobic all by himself…but then…we are Indians…and we “adjust”….So there were 4 people sitting there…under 1 single fan…staring vacantly into space and occasionally talking to discuss some “office gossip” (one of them had been hauled up by their Boss for something I couldn’t catch and all of them were pretty sure he was a dead man)…That wasn’t all. A whole lot of the remaining space was crammed with dirt and web covered tottering piles of “files”…There was still some more space left…so they put in two computers that the men never touched….and to top it all…squeezed under one of the biggest tables there was a Birla Generator that looked big enough to light up that entire basti…

Anyways…got my passbook updated (all wrong as I was soon going to find out…)…got stared at by the other 3 men (alright I look scary, so sue me!)…and got out of the hell hole…just to get into a bigger one…

Trip 2: “Head” Post Office

This was much bigger…a lot more fans…a lot more space…and hence…a lot more shelves, drawers, files, people...lines…I gingerly toed the line of my once a year explosive bout of anger….

Stood in the line for 45 minutes…having gotten hardly any closer to my turn…when ofcourse “Lunch” was declared at 1:30…and the man in the make-shift cubicle…rambled out saying he’ll be back at 2…which he wasn’t.
So I decided to take the Pass Books from Trip 1 to one of the other offices in this building to get the readings tallied…Ever seen “Office-Office”…and “Usha ji”??? Well before me sat 7 Usha jis…having just opened their various tiffin boxes. Ignoring them I went inside and asked some dude to do the needful…He smirked and said, “Yeh toh Madam hi karengi, bahar jaake boliye”. So went out once again and begged the ladies to finish my work…they looked at me as if I’d lost it and told me to come back after they’d finish (after which the solemnest and slowest looking lady took the smallest morsel of food…and began to chew it 36 times…aaaargggghhh)

It was 1:45…so I went back and rejoined my line…which had a new competitor…a middle-aged lady who had duped the people in front of me and dumped all her work on the extra slow guy’s table…People shouted, shoved…to no avail…the woman was adamant….She tried to make some sort of conversation with me, and despite bare minimum response from my side, I got to know that her daughter had just passed out of IMI, got a job, and that she knew a junior of ours at IIFT! Truly irritating!

By now I was mauling the cheque I had brought along to encash, had learnt up all my account numbers in sheer frustration, and almost broken the glass pane that separated me from the “official” area.

I can’t go on anymore…coz just thinking about it makes me mad…but after 2 and a half HOURS of standing in lines, hearing stories about postal workers committing suicides (Why THEM??? We should be the ones hanging ourselves from their rather long-stemmed ceiling fans), and of course hearing one of the Usha jis discuss the virtues of slow and steady work…I finally got the work done.

It was the biggest victory I’d ever had over myself…and learnt a couple of things….Patience is NOT a virtue…it totally sucks…and ATMs are there for a reason…if only my grandparents understood that and overcame their suspicions about machines…sigh…

Love ‘em, Hate ‘em, But You Just Can’t Ignore Them Mate!

The Aussies have arrived on Indian soil, soon after our trip Down Under that was more than fraught with controversy! One would have thought they’d be hated out here…but I was so wrong…about others and about myself!

As the Indian Premier League began to make waves thanks to an impressive marketing campaign, lesser mortals like you and I began to choose our favourite teams.

“ Mohali rocks,” declared I…Because of the “Punjab” factor? Not quite….Yuvi and Pathan? Er..No…Greatest admiration for Ness/Preity? Not at all. There was just one reason…Brett Lee…The Aussie who murdered any hope for victory for our team quite a few times…but there it was…Just this once…I was going to support him guilt-free (having finally gotten over the fact that he married Liz Kemp and even has a baby now).

Others chose teams on similar grounds…. “Deccan Chargers rule…Gilchrist and Symmonds will see them through!”….The same Symmonds we were cursing a little while ago mind you…

“Delhi Daredevils man….McGrath is back!!”

“I’m all for Warny…he’s the best”

“Kolkata will rule…they’ve got Punter”

Of course there were some who were simply loyal to the cities they considered home…but you get the general idea.

That’s not all…we went ahead and did what the Aussies couldn’t do despite trying so hard…we got Bhajji banned for the rest of the league matches :D (Yet to get Symmonds’ comments on this one!)….He deserved it I’m sure (Though Sreesanth can be quite a provocation with all his unnecessary screaming on the field…perform man…and reserve the crap for international matches)….

There you go…we showed true love and support for the people who were considered the villains of the cricketing world not so long ago…and we carried out their hearts’ desires to the fullest. Atithi-devo-bhava to the max I say…

IPL is truly serving its purpose of creating camaraderie among cricketers across nations alright….I only hope it doesn’t destroy whatever little of it was left in our national team!

Phir Reservations …Uff..!

When I was busy giving my MBA entrances, the reservation issue became a standard joke. Most of us went around tracing our family trees, trying to discover atleast ONE tribal root (there HAD to be something tribal about all the jhingala weirdness in my family!)..but to no avail. In the end, some of my colleagues, despite their much poorer performance in the exams and despite the fact that they had the social standing to attend more coaching institutes than I had, got calls (ALL 6) from the IIMs…which had shunned me with my 95 percentile (there were others who got shunned with 97/98 too..). Maybe I could have (Should have) studied harder…hell… there can be a lot of maybes…but I wouldn’t have had the slightest of complaints had the less deserving not got in either. The whole thing sadly left a bitter taste in the mouth.

It’s been a slap in the face alright for Arjun Singh and whoever else is supporting the 27% scam of his. For once the Supreme Court ruled in favour of the masses rather than our rather pathetic ruling diaspora…Yet it remains to be seen how effective the ruling finally will be once the definition of what constitutes “creamy layer” is frozen.

Our politicos thought they’d had it easy…get 49.5% of the seats reserved in the best institutes of the country for the “backward” classes...and get their kids in without the slightest of hassle…all in the name of “greater good”. But the fact remains, that the corrective measure in graduate and post-grad courses that the ministers are trying to introduce, is futile, considering that a majority of those we are trying to help are primary/high school dropouts….leaving us with the “moneyed-backward” classes, trying to take advantage of a heart-wrenchingly flawed system.

Given that, who now will occupy those 27% seats? Statistics do not support the fact that there are enough needy OBCs who have reached higher education levels to fill in the 27%. So are fake tax returns easy to get hold of?? Or will the definition of “creamy layer” allow one and all to access those seats??

In the “We The People” episode dealing with the reservation issue, the dean of IIT Delhi clearly stated where the flaw lay. He said that he, who had been brought up in dire circumstances, had low cost government primary education in Tamil Nadu, to thank for his status today. However, he interestingly pointed out, that all those schools had now been shut, leaving hundreds of poor children with no alternatives. Why?? Because the poor there no longer made up the votebank of the ruling politicians….and thus there needs were not catered to anymore.

Ummm…remind me once again what is it that we are really protesting against??? The ones who can actually justify this reservation hullabaloo haven’t even got proper schooling…so who exactly will snatch our seats from us? Back to the corrupt offspring of the corrupt classes…someone will fill up those seats…they can’t leave so many seats empty!

Every one with the slightest sense has gone blue in the face repeating the obvious…improve primary education, give scholarships to those who can’t afford higher education instead of reserving seats and leaving loopholes to enable the fake certificate manufacturing industry to thrive.

It’ll take time to clean up the system of course. Till then, listen to your folks people and work harder…50.5% is still up for grabs…make the most of it…and to wind the seemingly endless monologue…take heart from the fact that there are a few decent folks in the world who have the pride and self respect to stand up for themselves and do not abuse a useless system unnecessarily. A senior of mine in school belonged to the SC category…but gave the IIT entrance as a “Gen”…ranked 64 at the All-India level…and am sure we’ll hear his name as one of the tycoons soon....

Hope still exists in this otherwise corrupt country of ours…at least no one is banning my blog just because I dared to raise my voice against the fools who dare to call themselves our leaders (excluding Manmohan Singh…You rock…just try not buckling under Big Mamma’s influence)….Unlike in Russia…where it was shutters down for the Moskovsky Korrespondent who dared to spice up our otherwise mundane existence with some gossip pertaining to the ex-Russian Prez and his love for the gymnast! Sudden financial troubles seem to have developed in that organization and the financier backed out….sigh…why do they bother to cover up with such stupid excuses …

Nostalgia....

You know that feeling when you really, REALLY miss something...but you know you cannot have it...and it leaves you feeling very very sad? That's nostalgia for you...coming and whacking you where it hurts most...

I got that feeling today...and boy with a vengeance...!I knew from quite some time now that there would be no going back to IIFT...it has been coming on for a long time...but today...the whole idea of not being able to go back as a student again (unless I do my Ph.D in some trade related thing...which is a BIG no no coz it makes nostalgia feel like the best thing on earth)...it is unbearable...I want to go back :(

It all started with a bottle of deoderent I bought this morning...it was my fave in IIFT...and had been out of stock for a while...My nose just took me straight back to the bed in my hostel room...the sounds...the smells...the whole feeling...it just came rushing back!

Anyhow...fought off the feeling till sometime back...when I got down to ccp-ing a Maths assignment for my bro (penalty for taking the grape jelly icecream he'd got for himself...Put ice cream in front of me...and I go dumb and promise anything!)...well...the whole thing tugged at some more memories...1st Trisem....Humungous Maths assignment...all of us begging/borrowing/stealing (Yeah...STealing)...other people's completed assignments at 2:30 in the morning...trying to finish it before the 9 a.m class...I put on some music...and the Ipod ended up playing the very songs I used to be addicted to that year...What fun it was!!!

And now...with a whole new world waiting to open up before me (highly skeptical about it already thanks to the most soporific summers)...I can't seem to move on...

Maybe it's a passing phase...maybe by tomorrow morning I'll go back to cherishing the awesome time I'm having right now...maybe my Gtalk de-addiction withdrawal symptoms are causing this silly mood...

Whatever it is...those were the 2 most awesome years of my life...I can take the nostalgia...I just don't want to forget a single moment of the bestest days ever...

Curse of the Satisfied-Unambitious-Youngster

It is vacation time once again. After 2 years at IIFT...this is the longest I've been home at a stretch having nothing to go back to. I have a job yes...but that doesn't start till forever...And my continuing lack of interest in "Yellow Newspapers" has made me rather apprehensive of joining any place that deals with the stuff that those papers are made up of.

So decided to get my act together and find something to do...result...I discovered I can't do a damn thing unless there's the proverbial sword hanging on my neck. One by one I started taking up stuff to do...only to discover that it is too easy or too difficult or too boring...

1) Cooking: Since I'll be staying alone in Mumbai once again, I decided I'll learn how to cook. Motivator: Still haven't shed the pounds I happily loaded on last time, having eaten out day and night for a month 'n' a half!

So did what logic dictated...started hanging out more in the kitchen much to my mother's delight! But alas! The honeymoon period with subzees and chhauks got over fairly soon.Reason: Everything in a Punjabi household seems to be made of the same key ingredients! How they end up tasting so awesomely different when my mother makes it beats me, coz all the dishes I made tasted identical...no matter what subzee I used...

2) Exercising: Try this. Sit on your fat behind for over a month...doing absolutely nothing...then suddenly decide one day that you are growing too fat...so undertake a month's worth exercise that day (Kya pata...Kal Motivation Ho Na Ho)....

Actually...Don't try it...unless you want to limp around for the next one week...rubbing sore shoulders...having lost any desire to exercise ever again.

3)Getting creative: By this I mean REALLY creative...what gave me the bug? Watching Disney Channel 24/7 ( or whenever I can get the remote in a male-domineering house)...

So anyways...took up scissors...and loads of paper...and created a big mess. Took up some cross-stitching too (found an Anchor Cross STitch kit from when I was 8 I think!)...Lost interest...the doggy I was embroidering is currently 1-eared, playing with half a butterfly next to half a flower...so much for persistence and getting things completed (what jazz we come up with to get placed..)

4) Reading: The ONLY place where I have found some success! Started off and finished "Who Killed Daniel Pearl" and plethora of other books! The Pearl tale got me hooked to my new hobby...

5) Cutting out obscure things from the newspaper: This is absolute FUN! Inspired by what terrorism is doing to our world...I started keeping a scrapbook of all terror related things and India's defence prowess (recently digressed to real cute Christiano Ronaldo cut-outs and "15-days-to-a-slim-you" tips)

Apart from this...and a lot of obscure dreaming about fighting terrorists, becoming a witch overnight or getting super powers...there's not much going on...

Call it lack of ambition ("X's son", "Y's daughter"...they seem to be slogging so much more in holidays! How dare they put ideas into my family's collective head?! Boring gits!)...or simply inertia...but I am at my laziest best these days...and worse...I don't seem to mind it (except for the yearning for strange adventures mentioned above)...sigh...Anyone doing any better out there?

So long...Farewell...

It is an exceptionally clear bit of memory I've got from back in school. Our family was going somewhere...and as we inched ahead painfully on the Sri Aurobindo Marg...my father pointed towards the right and said.."IIFT is there...good place for MBA in International Business". "Though IIMs are what one should aim for," he said in the same breath.Frankly speaking...I had no idea what MBA was...being more interested in Aeronautics, FBI, and Journalism as career options (alternated religiously between the 3)...but "International Business" sounded way cooler than only MBA..whatever that was...IIFT sounded a better bet than the IIMs :D

But then I grew older...not particularly wiser...and like all others decided that CAT was THE exam to give...and IIMs were worth dying for...IIFT was long since forgotten.

But there it came up again...T.I.M.E said it was a great institute...so zi dutifully filled up the form. November 20th...I went and messed up my CAT, and on 27th with the last bit of ambition and self confidence snuffed out of me...I gave the IIFT entrance.

13th December...I was dressing up for a wedding when my best friend called and blabbered excitedly.."You...IIFT...you...congrats!"....I nearly choked...
One thing led to the other...and I found myself entering the gates for the first time to pay up (had happily locked my car keys in...sigh...signs of what was to happen regularly).

The moment I entered...I felt like I belonged here...the campus was small..and no big grassy football field like the one I had back in college...but I fell in love with the place....and the love affair continued...2 years went by faster than ever.

From being the reserved girl...who had never been out of her house for more than a couple of hours a day...I spent many a night under obscure streetlights on campus...in order to study in peace!

At the end of the 1st Trisem...studies were no longer that important...and I had developed the knack of studying with 5 other people and plenty of activity in the room!

Time went on...friends were made...relationships changed...NEW friends were made...some were just discovered in the fag end of my stay...but I know they are for keeps....

Night life was discovered...from sleeping at 10 religiously...I realized that the star-lit sky is a lot prettier at 3-4 in the morning...walks then are amazingly educative...Delhi roads are amazing to drive on post 1 in the night...24/7 is a boon...CCD is heaven...Big Chillz is the ultimate gastronomic delight...the laptop is a necessity...as is music...there are tonnes of amazing movies that are a lot more educative than any book you've ever read...What people do does NOT define them...there is always more to them than meets the eye...

My first party at IIFT was the first such event I had ever attended! Never before had I seen so many drunk people together at once!

I realized the importance of differentiating between following one's heart...and simply bowing to peer pressure...

That watching movies is most fun when you are doing it on the sly in the middle of a boring lecture...

That ....
I can go on forever...

Life at IIFT has alas come to an end...and I know that these have been the best 2 years of my life...Loads to look forward to again...but these memories will be cherished forever :)

Illusion...

Retreat...for once...mentally, not physically...try being honest and nothing but honest for a whole day...try it...Just hold back and watch yourself from the outside...

How many times do you smile when you don't want to? How many times do you jabber away to glory...all cheerful at the face of it...but mentally cursing the person or yourself..it doesn't matter...

The illusion you create to the world in general...try ripping it apart...

It is hard...very hard...imagine not laughing at a friend's joke coz you never found it funny...and you decided to stand your ground today for once...is it his fault that he's hurt? ...not really...it's yours...you should have told him that in the first place itself...

Don't humour yourself...don't humour anyone else...for one day...just ruthless honesty...bring down the facade...

Imagine if you wake up one morning...in a strange land...where no one knows you...and you can reach no one...you have no one to justify anything to...no one to prove anything to...you don't need to pretend what you aren't (hard...considering by now the line between what you are and what you pretend has nearly blurred)...you don't have to worry about your basic food/water/shelter...just do what you have to...what will you do?

Maybe I'm talking nonsense...movies do that to me...always...

But I keep going back to that scene in Fight Club where Brad Pitt holds a gun to the guy's head and says what is it that you really want to do...(It doesn't work without a gun I guess...or my imagination is just no good)...I still come up with a couple of probables (sigh...number crubching doesn't figure anywhere in that)...but not sure...still not sure...

But maybe that's OK...I will take my time and figure it out...if the world seems to know where it is going...doesn't necessarily mean I have to too, does it? If what 100 people think is normal becomes normal for all...we are nothing but a bunch of robots then...the remote being the 100 that set the trend...

What if theirs' too is a facade...say Hello to mine...I'll say Hello to yours...without anyone knowing what or who they actually are saying hello to. Sometimes they may get a feeling that something is amiss...but it's much easier to pretend all is well and same as before than actually shaking the hornet's nest, isn't it? Who knows if you will ever recover from the stings?

So together we weave the grand illusion...and are happy to get lost in it...but try retreating...like I said before...maybe you'll find it hard to get enmeshed again...

Flashback...

It started with an unusal request...one of my closest friends from school had sent me an orkut invite to "Join the Sandwich Club". Memories came gushing back. I got transported to my middle school days...when the 6 of us ... "Mystery Club" fanatics... and solemn believers in the adventures of "Famous Five" and "Secret Seven"... spent many a glorious spring/summer/autumn/winter afternoon "snooping" around that famous Aurobindo statue in school... looking for clues...to what I don't know...(vaguely remember thinking that someone had changed the direction in which the statue was facing!).

We had our codes...we had our "club" notebooks...we loved the same music and danced away endlessly to the same songs over and over again! When a classmate sent me "Theme for a Dream" by Cliff Richard today... I was totally overwhelmed...because that was the first English song I had fallen in love with when I was 9 or something...The 6 of us used to lounge around in each others' houses on the pretext of working on some project or the other...and spend a considerable time listening to music or reading books that transported us into a fantasy land... where we created our own stories...

We dressed up for Halloween...blew up one of the gang-members' neighbour's electricity supply by sending a rocket there on Diwali (it was an accident...but we trusted the craziest girl of the lot to light the damn thing!). We fought too...but made up soon enough...couldn't stay apart for too long..

We dreamt big then...and refused to fall prey to the pseudo standards set by the world...

I miss them all...the pranks we played...the games we invented...the books we read... and most importantly...the standards we set for ourselves...

Time to awaken that child again...

Tujhe Sab Hai Pata Hai Na Maa....

"Main kabhi batlata nahi

Par andhere se darta hoon mein Maa

Yun to main dikhlata nahi

Teri parwah karta hoon main Maa

Tujhe sab hai pata

Hai na Maa

Tujhe sab hai pataaaa

Meri Maa"

I can't get enough of this song...and everytime I hear it...my eyes well up...I'm not alone...my friends have been listening to this incessantly and calling up their mothers long distance :)

You can't help but reminisce about the time when you lay all your trust in your mother, unquestioningly followed her advice...the word "rebellion" wasn't in your dictionary...she knew best, and wanted the best for you...you would go to any lengths to please her...and get rewarded with that "mummy" hug and peck on the cheek. You would do something small like getting her a small birthday gift with your saved up money, but she would reward you by cooking all your favourite food on your return from school, as though you had done the greatest thing in the world. When you had a bad day, she could sense it before you told her....When you got hurt, she cried...When you did well, she rejoiced for you...

She was there planning your fifth birthday as though it were your coronation...She sang to you when you couldn't go to sleep...She read out your favourite bed time stories a thousand times because you asked her to...She stayed up all night when you fell sick and did your work even when she was sick...Her world revolved around you...

But your world stopped revolving around hers after a while...She was the same...but you changed...You wanted to be treated like a grown up...when in her eyes you were still that newborn who looked up at her for the first time and gave a toothless grin...You wanted to be "independent"...when she still saw you as the baby who had to be protected from the big, bad world outside...You wanted to know the "facts of life"...when she still saw you as an innocent toddler...

After all the years of rebelling and fighting, you realize that she knows you best really...even better than you know yourself...She learns to accept you for what you are...and smiles when you come up with the next outrageous idea...because she knows it is only a phase...

You ARE still her baby...she has raised you as best as she could...she trusts you...as you trust her...and knows you'll be alright...

Mothers are the best....Here's a BIG *hug* to all of them out there :)

Musings

We go about living our lives at 1/100th of our potential…things don’t have much meaning any longer…life becomes a mere routine… habits...ours and of others… threaten to choke us…kill us from within. You desperately wish you could break the monotony…yet something holds you back from sitting down and identifying the real cause of your discomfort…you are waiting for something to happen…to make life seem worthwhile…yet you don’t lift a finger to improve things…If you DO lift your finger…it is to turn on the laptop or the TV, and lose yourself in some fantasyland, in dreams that are just … dreams…You watch a movie, hear some songs, and feel temporarily relieved of that dread you’d been experiencing. But now…you are back to real life…fantasyland got turned off the moment you hit the “off” button on whatever device you were using…and you are back to yearning for something special to happen in your life, lamenting the lack of excitement in your own life…forgetting that movies are nothing but our lives…with the boring parts edited out.

Idle mind is the devil’s workshop they say…but when you are overcome by that debilitating inertia…you start believing that even a devil’s workshop would be welcome to lift you out of the nothingness that you feel...you feel lost, cut off from the rest…emotionally and mentally….you no longer feel strongly about anything…you once again start envying even the jehadis…who may have lost all reason, but atleast are truly passionate about something!You are forced to open your eyes, get out of the self-obsessed mode, and look towards others around you…they did always seem better off…so what’s driving them.? Blame it on your mood at that moment…but you find that everyone’s just passing time…escaping life…trying to postpone that moment when they have to sit down and confront what they truly feel…who they truly are…and you once again go back into the cramped, self obsessed world of your own thoughts and feelings…having lost all hope in mankind.

It is in moments such as these, that Hitler, terrorism, imperialism, emergencies, earthquakes, do-or-die sporting events…all begin to make sense.I’m not a sadist…but can’t help feel wonder at what happens to mankind when such catastrophes take place.

It took a Hitler to wake up people to life beyond their individual routine existences, and stand up for what is right….It took being forcibly taken as slaves by a bunch of foreigners, for our country to unite as a whole….It takes an emergency in Pakistan to unite the people in an extremely fragmented country….It takes a ban on the press in Pakistan to finally hear the sane voices of the Pakistani middleclass…which always believed in the right things but loved to play it safe….It took a football match to unite Iraqis across the war ravaged country….It took a Tsunami to bring people together in the true spirit of compassion….It took a Kargil War to bring people across religions together in our country….It takes true hardships to bring out our heroes….It takes a curb on our freedom….to bring out the best creative forces in people….

Ironic as it is, it takes Hell…for people to realize that they can create their own Heaven.

Rain Rain Come Again...

It's raining.The wind blows...caresses your face...ruffles your hair...it's blissful to walk around in a weather like this. Unlike other times...the wind does not chill you to your bones...it just refreshes you...it's awesome!

The campus sports a clean look...the smog and dust has been washed away... it's easier to breathe...

And then you get back to your room...and snuggle inside your quilt...everything around you is quiet...except the pattering of raindrops outside...A few floors above, someone starts playing the guitar. I smile...that was all that was missing...

No Monkey-Business This....

I thought Symonds had taken it rather well..all the monkeying business that Indian fans had subjected him to. Guess I had over-estimated the Aussies...they have finally shown their true breed...uhh...colour...uh...is that racial?

For God's sake...you can cuss like a sailor on the field, go around saying the F-word as if it were a part of the cricketing terminology...but calling somebody a monkey is not done? Since when did white men get so racially insecure?!

Poor Bhajji...feel rather sorry for him...with his English...anything he says can be interpreted in 5 different ways...banning him would be abuse of sorts against him.

On a more serious note, everyone seems to be feeling rather let down by a team we looked up to for great cricket. Ponting, Clarke, Symonds...and sadly enough Gilchrist too...they are no longer our heroes. It is Cricket that has lost in the entire mess...the spirit of the game is just gone.

I don't know why it came as a surprise though...In the 2003 World Cup... the South Africans were quoted saying that the Aussies are nothing but a bunch of actors who've gotten down to playing cricket. Their extremely convincing and misleading appeals have been very much a part of their gameplan. The umpires however were not party to it earlier...unfortunately that's no longer true...The way Umpire Benson looked helplessly at Ponting as Ganguly stood his ground after being declared wrongly out, and then passed on Ponting's "out verdict" to our star batsman...he might as well have been a 12th man on the Australian team...it was ridiculous. Not to mention Bucknor (Last time it was Hair...sigh...endless torture).

And now Ponting has the guts to say that abandoning the tour would be "a little extreme"... Sure...Adding on 4 test losses wrongly to our record overseas would be alright, wouldn't it? Scoring centuries after being falsely declared not out a billion times and appealing like a maniac while holding the ball to the ground is perfectly alright, ain't it?

It kills me to see Ganguly walk out helplessly, mouthing "This is cheating" to a remorseless Benson, and Dravid grimacing "Not Again"...just when he looks like he's found his form...

Making dumb childish complaints against a bowler who you feel threatened from was definitely uncalled for from the so-called world champions. The ICC, having ignored our pleas, having overlooked evidence provided by India in the matter, having admitted that none of the umpires heard a thing and yet going ahead with the ban, and not having withdrawn the umpires who wronged us again and again...has proved that if there are any racists in the world of cricket...they will be found on their own Board...

Whatever the Aussies say and do is OK...they get verbal diarrhoea and talk crap incessantly...that's ok too...Is this some sort of immunity you win along with the World Cup or something?

Down with the Aussies and Down with the ICC. And hell with the tour.

PS: A certain Ms. Padukone does not seem to be having a very good effect on our Prince from Punjab....Amid all the controversies and wrong decisions...he managed to get out for a duck for real! Shame on him!