Retreat...for once...mentally, not physically...try being honest and nothing but honest for a whole day...try it...Just hold back and watch yourself from the outside...
How many times do you smile when you don't want to? How many times do you jabber away to glory...all cheerful at the face of it...but mentally cursing the person or yourself..it doesn't matter...
The illusion you create to the world in general...try ripping it apart...
It is hard...very hard...imagine not laughing at a friend's joke coz you never found it funny...and you decided to stand your ground today for once...is it his fault that he's hurt? ...not really...it's yours...you should have told him that in the first place itself...
Don't humour yourself...don't humour anyone else...for one day...just ruthless honesty...bring down the facade...
Imagine if you wake up one morning...in a strange land...where no one knows you...and you can reach no one...you have no one to justify anything to...no one to prove anything to...you don't need to pretend what you aren't (hard...considering by now the line between what you are and what you pretend has nearly blurred)...you don't have to worry about your basic food/water/shelter...just do what you have to...what will you do?
Maybe I'm talking nonsense...movies do that to me...always...
But I keep going back to that scene in Fight Club where Brad Pitt holds a gun to the guy's head and says what is it that you really want to do...(It doesn't work without a gun I guess...or my imagination is just no good)...I still come up with a couple of probables (sigh...number crubching doesn't figure anywhere in that)...but not sure...still not sure...
But maybe that's OK...I will take my time and figure it out...if the world seems to know where it is going...doesn't necessarily mean I have to too, does it? If what 100 people think is normal becomes normal for all...we are nothing but a bunch of robots then...the remote being the 100 that set the trend...
What if theirs' too is a facade...say Hello to mine...I'll say Hello to yours...without anyone knowing what or who they actually are saying hello to. Sometimes they may get a feeling that something is amiss...but it's much easier to pretend all is well and same as before than actually shaking the hornet's nest, isn't it? Who knows if you will ever recover from the stings?
So together we weave the grand illusion...and are happy to get lost in it...but try retreating...like I said before...maybe you'll find it hard to get enmeshed again...
4 comments:
Some people just can't hurt others... They were born that way and how much ever they try they can't help it. So they will laugh at a friend's stupid joke 'coz they derive their happiness in seeing that buddy smile.
I like that line you wrote there, "Considering by now the line between what you are and what you pretend has nearly blurred..." Might be true in the author's case but don't think it can be generalized though.
As for standing apart from the herd is concerned we always have a choice when it comes to the more serious matters in our lives like crunching numbers! The choice might be right or wrong but that's not the point. What matters is that one should take full responsibility for the outcomes of the choice.
I wish you luck Devika... Hope you find out the easy way what's the right choice for you... :-)
for once...
if never again, but for this once..
i actually feel like finding you out, wherever you are right now, and giving u a loud pat on the back.
yes... thats more like what a blog is meant to be like.
thats more like the raw power of truth... pure, straight and unaltered.
thats more like bold... into the face of the reader.
thats more like EXPRESSING yourself.
clap clap clap.
lol !! I just couldn't help smiling after reading ur post. I just regret that I haven't read ur blog earlier. This post is very similar to what I've contemplated at times and I've actually blogged about the exact same thing once.
The very same mask which you spoke of has fooled me. Never did I expect a happy, bubbly girl (seemingly) to come up with such statements. It just shows me how much I lack in judgement. Or maybe I've just been too busy with myself.
Anyway, you've gained a new admirer for ur blog. Keep blogging with the same spirit.
--Joseph Samraj
PS: I blog at http://samraj.wordpress.com. Feel free to check it out.
incisive writing style !
'A' is a rational being.
Whenever A encounters any situation, he tries to react in some or the other fashion. A does think about what he wants to do? But A doesnt stop himself at the first thought that comes to his mind. Script Theory tells us that A mentally constructs dozens of scripts in a fraction of a second. They may be positive, negative or neutral. Each script is an entire line of thought .. sth like if i do this, the other person will react in so n so way, then I would feel bad/ good or whatever.. kind of a thing. over the years our minds are tuned to pick the script that puts us on the whole in the most advantageous position, this might involve us wearing a mask and telling a white lie, or be brutally honest and give a critical remark etc etc. Depending on which ever is giving us the advantage we might end up picking any of these constructs.
A does end up wearing a facade..but its to his own advantage...and its not always necessary to ruin the hornet's rest...their nests are nasty anyways :P (sorry bad one !!)
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