Fleeting Moments

On the 1st of December this year (yes, 2 days ago), the realization that we're close to the end of another year naturally dawned on me. And I really couldn't figure out where the year had gone. I lived 2017 so intensely (too intensely for my liking), that the relative relaxation of 2018 has me confusing timelines like an exhausted time traveler. While doing my 2018 self assessment at work, I had to redo sections of my write up because what I'd thought I'd done in 2018 was actually a flashback from 2017 and no longer relevant. The year was punctuated by big moments every now and then, but mostly, it was a year that was whiled away with a vengeance. The only thing lasting that I've got out of this year is my conviction to not use my body like a dustbin after 33 years of food-abuse. Strangely, the moment that I decided that is the only lucid moment from this year. Seriously, where did the year go! Does everyone feel that way?

We're now at the brink of 2019. And like every December, despite knowing that time's just an illusion, I am getting excited about how I want to spend the coming year. Making healthy food choices is already sorted. Getting regular exercise - not so much. Reiki and meditation aren't as regular as they should be. I rarely write, despite the most inspiring gift by the husband on our anniversary (a peacock feather quill  and ink set!). And I know that the more I write, the more likely I am to get better at it. Maybe there's something in it. I started last year with a writing prompt a day. But laziness soon throttled the creative soul inside me. And I picked passive consumption of random media, over creation of new, joyous tales. I'm on a FB/Insta free trial period right now (I really shouldn't call it a "period" - I deleted the apps from my phone only last night, and have been picking up my phone every 38 seconds like an addict looking for a fix and not getting it). But it's a start. What I realized was, that my 30 seconds of fame on Facebook every other day, make me not want to work for something extraordinary in life. And at the end of the day, it's living with a purpose that makes life worthwhile. Living Facebook post to post - not so much. If I see the merit in it, I might just deactivate my FB and Insta accounts on 31st December and reclaim what it means to live life without having to post about it/ thinking up cool one-liners to go with random images. Actually, while writing about it, I feel the conviction getting stronger. Maybe I don't want those small popularity boosts anymore, but want to genuinely build a meaningful life that is not dependent on show off opportunities. Maybe it won't be everything I dream of, but I'm sure that after years of mind-numbing media consumption, it'll definitely bring some new perspectives into my life. I should really write the Heritage Walk post before I leave though! A promise is a promise!

So 2019 seems promising already! I am super excited about making writing and meditation a priority. And improving relationships with people in my life. And writing more frequently than the two years spent off this blog. Here's to new paths!