Boy, O Boy! Exploring masculinity in today's world

A chance discussion with someone set me thinking of what makes a man, well, a man. I would like to believe that the staid and annoying perceptions of what men should and shouldn't do are dying the natural death they deserve. All those theories about how real men never clean after themselves, they can have a beer gut and still be sexy beasts, they don't need to have personal hygiene because that's too effeminate, they NEVER cry because the mere presence of feelings is considered to be women's forte, and of course, in order to prove that they are men, they need to get into a physical altercation at the first chance with someone random are extremely annoying. I still remember those horrible "first-blood" fights that boys in our school used to get into. Alas, the world seems to be evolving too slowly for me. 

Then I thought about my grandfather, who is no more, but whom I still consider the epitome of what men should be like. He was an un-assuming man, 5 feet 5 inches in height and of a slight build. He had his own restaurants and a gorgeous hotel where I spent much of my childhood. He was a busy man, but his sense of responsibility towards his family never dithered. For the two years that I lived with  my grandparents, he was there for me, checking my homework, even if he came back at 1 in the morning from work. If I wanted something (usually a request for a "surprise" in the evening - I'm a sucker for surprises), he would never disappoint. It was like he was completely tuned into me. I hear similar stories from mum from her childhood days. He was extremely disciplined in his lifestyle and you could actually set your clock right when you saw him leave for his daily restaurant round in the morning. He was emotional too - usually blinking back tears that threatened to spill over as we all left Nainital after our summer vacations each year. He was a 'karma yogi' who was forever there for his family and his work. His sense of humour was so subtle and so British that lesser mortals sometimes did not know what had hit them when they were at the receiving end. He used to listen to people patiently, even when they were talking nonsense/ having a screaming fit. Then out used to come a one liner that quietly put that person in place without affecting anyone's sensibilities. That was just the way he rolled! Way ahead of his times even in the 1950s, he inspired many a woman to stand up for what was right and not take any nonsense from their "better halves" and their families in an era where life was absolutely hell for women in this country. His principles were the stuff legends are made out of. Once he gave someone his word, he was ten steps ahead of Salman Khan in keeping it and upholding all his promises. When he came away from Pakistan during partition, he built everything for himself and his family from scratch, even supporting my grandma's family to quite an extent when they too were left with nothing post the partition. It's an understatement of the highest order, but he was a gem of a man.

Now, THAT is what I call a man. Not what passes off for men these days. I don't care if you earn more than x,y,z or that you live in Golf Links. I don't care if your family owns a ranch in Chhatarpur - that's probably what your dad built anyway. I don't care if you can drink more than the next guy or party harder than them during weekends. And I don't care if your annual holiday looks like something out of a Karan Johar movie and that the rock you bought your wife is bigger than her finger.

What I do care about is this:

• A man who can balance his family life with his professional ambitions and social obligations. 
• A man who can be there to read stories to his children at night and tuck them to sleep or play football with them over weekends instead of buying them tabs and letting them amuse themselves.
• A man who can be honest with himself and with people who love him, at all times. 
• A man who can be sensitive to others' needs and empathetic towards people.
• A man who can emote. 
• A man who he can be respectful and loving towards the elderly.
• A man who he cleans after himself! 
• A man who upholds his promises, no matter how small they may be.
• A man who is self-made.
• A man who is loyal to those he loves, leaving no room for lies and deceit.
• A man who stands up for what's right, no matter what the consequences.
• A man who keeps his head when all around him people are losing theirs.
• Most importantly, a man who has a healthy sense of humour, not just about the world in general, but about himself as well.

THAT is what an awesome man looks like. THAT is what an awesome human being looks like actually. It's high time our society stopped judging a man by the size of his biceps (to put it politely). Half of world's problems would be over, if people stopped trying to be "men" and started focusing solely on being good human beings instead.

Keeping promises to yourself ..

In the midst of recovering from the latest viral attack, and plum in the heart of some stomach infection that I attracted from god knows where, I got some time to reflect on my life and do my "first quarter review" of promises I had made to myself earlier this year.

I was appalled to see that I hadn't blogged 10% of the amount that I had set out to do. I had eaten more junk food than I had ever thought possible (going back to 'chaat-papdi' after a year long hiatus was amazing for my taste buds but terrible for my system in general). I had excercised for a pitifully small time - partly because it's difficult working out when you are falling ill ever so often. And my book - I haven't even glanced at where I left off last year.

My mind went back to all those times when I chided x, y, z people to keep their word. When I got really annoyed when people said 1 thing and did something else altogether. And I was hit by the realisation that although I always keep my word to others, I am an absolute disaster when it comes to keeping my own word to myself! What kind of a human being does that? Why is keeping appointments with others so easy when keeping appointments with myself every morning is nearly impossible as things stand right now? Why do I deliver what I say to my bosses but not to myself? Why do I prefer to laze around and pinterest without stopping, instead of getting ahead on my preparation for an upcoming exam?

The answer, I figured out, was my innate tendency to take the easier route in life. So much for living consciously. I crave that sense of discipline I had all through school and college. I crave that sense of sincerity towards my own self that I had all my life. I crave that sense of "life" I had - the strong burning desire to do something extra ordinary. I know it's a temporary phase, I have had these before. But I am finding it more and more difficult to snap out of it this time. My work life at present is not helping matters. And traveling back and forth from office for nearly 3.5 hours everyday to do something that's not challenging anymore may be adding to my woes.

I don't know how blogging about all this will help me either, but it does infuse a sense of responsibility to myself (sometimes). For instance, after my last blog post about waking up every morning, I did go on that route for atleast 3 weeks before I fell sick.

The only area where I seem to have gotten consistent is my daily meditation (touch wood!). Possibly because I don't like what I become when I'm not doing it!

Here's hoping for a brighter future!