Keeping promises to yourself ..

In the midst of recovering from the latest viral attack, and plum in the heart of some stomach infection that I attracted from god knows where, I got some time to reflect on my life and do my "first quarter review" of promises I had made to myself earlier this year.

I was appalled to see that I hadn't blogged 10% of the amount that I had set out to do. I had eaten more junk food than I had ever thought possible (going back to 'chaat-papdi' after a year long hiatus was amazing for my taste buds but terrible for my system in general). I had excercised for a pitifully small time - partly because it's difficult working out when you are falling ill ever so often. And my book - I haven't even glanced at where I left off last year.

My mind went back to all those times when I chided x, y, z people to keep their word. When I got really annoyed when people said 1 thing and did something else altogether. And I was hit by the realisation that although I always keep my word to others, I am an absolute disaster when it comes to keeping my own word to myself! What kind of a human being does that? Why is keeping appointments with others so easy when keeping appointments with myself every morning is nearly impossible as things stand right now? Why do I deliver what I say to my bosses but not to myself? Why do I prefer to laze around and pinterest without stopping, instead of getting ahead on my preparation for an upcoming exam?

The answer, I figured out, was my innate tendency to take the easier route in life. So much for living consciously. I crave that sense of discipline I had all through school and college. I crave that sense of sincerity towards my own self that I had all my life. I crave that sense of "life" I had - the strong burning desire to do something extra ordinary. I know it's a temporary phase, I have had these before. But I am finding it more and more difficult to snap out of it this time. My work life at present is not helping matters. And traveling back and forth from office for nearly 3.5 hours everyday to do something that's not challenging anymore may be adding to my woes.

I don't know how blogging about all this will help me either, but it does infuse a sense of responsibility to myself (sometimes). For instance, after my last blog post about waking up every morning, I did go on that route for atleast 3 weeks before I fell sick.

The only area where I seem to have gotten consistent is my daily meditation (touch wood!). Possibly because I don't like what I become when I'm not doing it!

Here's hoping for a brighter future!